Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
