Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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