I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
