You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
