My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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