You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
