I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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