Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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