I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
