Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
