i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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