I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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