I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
