Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
