He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
