idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
