Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
