So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
