his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
