I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
