I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
