You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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