you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
