I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
