do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
this will be a night to untag.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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