ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will be naked everywhere
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
