You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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