i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
