I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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