The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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