My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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