dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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