currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
