i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
