you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
