Screwed.edu
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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