NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
