her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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