who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
