Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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