Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
