I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just google imaged poop.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
