We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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