here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
