my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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