just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
