Quick, to the slutcave!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
