Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
