trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i think my cat just said my name.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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