It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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