hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
