sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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